Which are you?

VICTIM SURVIVOR OR THRIVING ??

Dean talk to me about this once and said some people get stuck as just a Survivor but what you want to be is thriving.

at this point in my life I'm so happy to say that I AM THRIVING!


I"m still standing by ELTON JOHN.

".....And did you think this fool could never win
Well look at me, I'm coming back again
I got a taste of love in a simple way
And if you need to know while I'm still standing you just fade away

Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah

Once I never could hope to win
You starting down the road leaving me again
The threats you made were meant to cut me down
And if our love was just a circus you'd be a clown by now

You know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah

Don't you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I'm still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind

I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah

I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah
I'm still standing yeah yeah yeah"

So how'd it go?

So let me just tell ya about dating after divorce.......
Dating apps are STUPID! out of the handful of people I talk to, met, and or went on a date with... there was really only ONE guy that did not have any Red Flags. Also after doing a dating app for about a year I have decide I will never let me kids do that. I know it works for some people but it didn't for me.

I went on a couple dates with a guy in the military and he had also been divorced. Did you know you can look up stuff on public record? Well lets just say his public divorce record was concerning.
I dated others who all had very concerning red flags and it reminded me that I deserve better. You deserve better and it does exist!!! So hang in there and as Dean would say "Just because I've been on 5 dates that doesn't make me yours."

Can we just talk for a minute on how amazing Deans Jerk Magnet/ Red Flags lessons were, just spot  on! If I didn't practice seeing red flags in others and myself where would I be? maybe in a toxic relationship. where would my girls be?
This was one of the top lessons I learned! I want to share that lesson with all people who need it!!

I am a catch!

YOU ARE ENOUGH 

Did you know what you say to yourself you will believe? so make a list like I did and add to it often.

here is your homework .... Think and write all qualities and characteristics that say YOU are a CATCH. It can be Physical, Spiritual, or Emotional.

Here is mine.

Eyes

Body

Smiley

Friendly

Kind

Optimistic

Extrovert

Healthy

Energetic

Talkative /Storyteller

Good with kids

Good mom

Read

Pray

Belileve

Strong

Determined

Comitted

Hard Worker

Brave

Smart

Ice Skater

Talented

Silly

Fun

Set it all free sung by Scarlett Johansson

"I followed my heart into the fire
Got burned, got broken down by desire
I tried, I tried but the smoke in my eyes
Left me blurry, blurry and blind
I picked all the pieces up off the ground
I've burned all my fingers but that's gone now
Got the glue in my hands I'm stickin' to the plan
Stickin' to the plan that says "I can"

Do anything at all
I can do anything at all

This is my kiss goodbye
You can stand alone and watch me fly
'Cause nothing's keeping me down gonna let it all up
Come on and say right now, right now, right now
This is my big hello
'Cause I'm giving, never letting go
I can finally see, it's not just a dream
When you set it all free, all free, all free

You set it all free
(Oh oh oh)
(Oh oh oh)
(Oh oh oh)

I was a girl caught under your thumb
But my star's gonna shine brighter than your sun
And I will reach so high,
Shoot so far
Gonna hit, gonna hit, hit every target

Make it count this time
I will make it count this time

This is my kiss goodbye
You can stand alone and watch me fly
'Cause nothing's keeping me down
I'm gonna let it all out
Come on and say right now, right now, right now
This is my big hello
'Cause I'm here and never letting go
I can finally see,
It's not just a dream
When you set it all free, all free, all free

You set it all free (oh oh oh)
You set it all free (oh oh oh)
You set it all free (oh oh oh)

This is my kiss goodbye
You can stand alone and watch me fly
'Cause nothing's keeping me down
I'm gonna let it all out
Come on and say right now, right now, right now
This is my big "hello"
'Cause I'm here and never letting go
I can finally see,
It's not just a dream
When you set it all free, all free, all free

You set it all free (oh oh oh)
You set it all free (oh oh oh)
You set it all free (oh oh oh)
You set it all free (oh oh oh)
You set it all free"

I've been improving

Sorry I've been gone so long, I was gone improving myself and moving on with life, but i'm back to tell you how I've progressed and where I'm at now.

Lets start by finishing some things I learned in Therapy....
A lot of things Dean taught me in the last months with him was how to change Brain Pathways which is easier said then done. Here are some things I loved that he said

"No mans better than a bad man" There is better out there and you don't have to give up. NEVER SETTLE
Codependent is like you being in the relationship because you need to be needed.
You trust as it's earned. Trust as much as it's earned.
Be realistic not idealistic.
IS HE WORTHY TO HAVE ME?
Set your bar H I G H

What you think and believe about things creates how you feel and leads to what you do.

1. Identify the belief (that's causing emotion/feeling)
2. Challenge Belief (how is it true)
3. Have positive conversations with yourself on belief
4.Change it.

"is this a ditch to die in?"

Therapy

I walked into therapy and was complimented by my therapist that he has loved and enjoyed watching me learn and grow. He loves how joyful and energetic I am.......... He described ME, the REAL ME, the ME that I lost sight of and couldn't find. You know what..... I found me again!!! I'll go more into that in another post.

We have started on the second half of "The Jerk" which is actually called "The Jerk Magnet". We were able to talk about everything in the first column and will discuss the rest next time I see him. Once again I am to take a Pink Highlighter and highlight all the things that I feel I fall under and then rate myself 1-10

Dean described to me how you don't want to go to the extreme. For example; one side of the scale you have really unselfish and on the other really selfish. There are negatives to being completely either of those things, so you need to find the middle ground. Some people are so unselfish that they forget to take care of themselves, or people walk all over them and use them. Selfish people are just rude and well.... selfish. So you want to be a good middle, being unselfish but knowing when enough is enough or that you need to take care of more important things.

Hey, little tid bit. Did you know there is something called an EQ? it's like an IQ, Go look it up and take the test!!

My therapist said some girls feel that it's best to be with a man than no man at all but he says...

"No mans better than a bad man"

Beautiful To Him Lyrics

So much noise, so much peace destroyed,
I can hardly hear the voice, leading me through the void,
So much noise.
The world's little lies,
Destruction in disguise, opportunities to compromise,
To make me beautiful in their eyes,
But I'm not gonna buy the world's little lies.
Because I define myself and find my beauty in the light He gives.
I'm refined by His divine intentions every day I live.
It doesn't matter what the world believes,
Or what they say that beauty means,
It comes from within,
I want to be beautiful to Him.

He's given me His trust, so I'll be strong enough,
To run from a dangerous touch, I don't need that kind of love,
I don't need that crutch, He's given me his trust.

I define myself and find my beauty in the light He gives.
I'm refined by His divine intentions every day I live.
It doesn't matter what the world believes,
Or what they say that beauty means,
It comes from within,
I want to be beautiful to Him.

I know how to shine, my life's not really mine.
It's not about a worldly climb, it's all about His design.
So in His eyes, I want to shine.
Because I define myself and find my beauty in the light He gives.
I'm refined by His divine intentions every day I live.
It doesn't matter what the world believes,
Or what they say that beauty means,
It comes from within,
I want to be beautiful to Him.

I want to live to have His peace,
And feel the holiness He seeks.
It comes from within.
I want to be beautiful... to Him.

Therapy

Wow, the past 3 weeks we have talked about red flags, also know as "The Jerk".
Little back story on "The Jerk", My sister worked for my therapist a long time ago and actually helped type this up for him and now here I am learning it.

I have posted a copy of the paper so everyone can see it and know what I'm talking of.


For three weeks Dean and I went over every part of this paper and discussed examples and what can lead to what. As I went through this I was aware of what my ex did and what part he played in "The Jerk". It was a bit painful but in a healthy kind of way.
As a homework assignment I was to take a blue highlighter and highlight all the things that were red flags/ things me ex did. Then take a pink highlighter and highlight all the things I felt that I did, then after that I had to rate myself 1-10.  One being I am not severe in it and 10 being really needs improvement.
As we started learning about "The Jerk"/ Red Flags, I started up a dating app again and tried talking to some more people.
 This has been quite the lesson and much to take in and learn. I hope by sharing this that someone out there can find help too.


 



You have felt the warmth of the fire
you have seen the glimmer of light
It's something that you have been missing inside
Something that you have been longing to find
Hold on, to the yearning
and where ever you are on the journey

Live like you believe, live like you know
it's one sure way, your faith will grow
Listen to your heart, trust in your soul
and you'll find, the strength that you need
His light the gift of His peace
when you live like you believe

There are things you have to let go
you might feel like just hanging on
when you find yourself alone and affraid
questioning all the choices you've made
hold on, to the burning
He's leading you on through the journey

Live like you believe, live like you know
it's one sure way, your faith will grow
Listen to your heart, trust in your soul
and you'll find, the strength that you need
His light the gift of His peace
when you live like you believe

Jenny Phillips Live Like You Believe

Therapy

This post will be short and more informational...... ask if you have questions.
We talked about "System 1 and System 2" and talked a little bit about Red Flags which we will talk more about later.

 Here are my notes of what I learned about System one and two...

System One:
Conscious Brain, we learn in system 1, Brain learns through repetition, consistency, and intensity. We need to stay in System 1 long enough to make a change and to see red flags.

System Two:
Auto Pilot, Don't know how you got there sometimes, Sometimes make mistakes. If you are 'stinkin thinking' get out go to system one. (this system is like driving somewhere on auto pilot and missing the caution signs on the road).



Standing like David before my goliath
difficult yes, but impossible no
Learning like Nephi
It's his will to triamph
I'll learn, I'll try, I'll go

But how do you move a mountain
how do you soften a heart made of stone
what makes a king fall down on his knees
or rich man to leave all he owns
Chirst said believe and all that you need
is the faith of a tiny seed.

Living today in this world isn't easy
how do I face insurmountable odds
finding I'm more than I am when He's with me
my power my strength is my God

But how do you move a mountain
how do you soften a heart made of stone
what makes a king fall down on his knees
or rich man to leave all he owns
Chirst said believe and all that you need
is the faith of a tiny seed.

Jesse Clark Funk: How do you Move a Mountain