Recovery

So I know it's personal but I have decided I will document and share my recovery on my blog.

In the last couple of months I have had to come to terms with the fact that some parts of me are not the same and that I need help. I have started seeing a therapist who is going to help me through the aftermath of emotional abuse. This battle will not be seen on the outside easily because it will be fought within, which is why I have decided to share it.

Honestly, I do not think my ex was aware of what he was doing, so no I do not think it was intentional. I am struggling with my confidence and knowing if what I'm doing is because I really want to or because I was persuaded to do it. Are my memories correct or wrong? Why am I more hesitant towards things I wasn't before? It's so hard to explain what's going on internally, my therapist said that once a week he does a class type thing for women who have been in abusive relationships and the majority of women said they would rather be physically abused than emotionally abused because the dealing with it and healing process was easier.  Wow

I have a long way to go and can't wait to improve.

"sometimes at night I feel so weak
I have learned the hard way that the ocean is deep
but inspired all my fears you ask the best of me so
i'm starting here to turn around, so for now
this is me
I"m painfully aware of the shame in my eyes
I have fought so hard and I have paid a price
but that's nothing to you,
you're the one who know the truth
cause you say i'm beautiful, i'm your living proof
for now live out loud, this is me
This is me, the dark and the light
I may be imperfect, but with God on my side
I am ment to live, and I am ment to fly
and every color of the rainbow is mine
and one day I'll be proud but for right now
This is me, this is me, hallelujah, THIS IS ME."